Saturday Night in the City

(This is actually an extract from a unpublished novel I began writing many years ago)
Since last weekend, there had been a dramatic increase in police numbers, (Most constables could now count up to ten without using their fingers!). Any would be burglar would be well advised to commit their crime in the suburbs on a Saturday night, and thus reduce the already low chance of being apprehended. Although of course there is a one hundred percent chance of being caught if you are driving a motor vehicle, as the police are able, with the use of new technology to smell a car that is 2mph over the speed limit from over five miles away. The modernisation of the police, with the use of computers and electronic gismos has improved the crime statistics dramatically, in dealing with serious crime. Now, only minor misdemeanours such as street mugging, burglary, rape and murder are untouched by the new broom that sweeps through the British Police force and we can all feel a lot safer in our beds that Pc Plod is out there nicking all the evil motorists before they slaughter us in our own homes.

The square was probably busier at this time on a Sunday morning than any other time. All the
clubs, bars and restaurants emptied their clientele into the small plaza to the mercy of the fast food shops and ‘salmonella vans’ parked on every corner. You could get curry, of sorts; tepid pork batches; burnt roast potatoes, soggy chips, jacket spuds, under cooked chicken, and kebabs of every description and hue all served in cardboard trays with the same disgusting gravy and none of which you would eat if you were sober. Stationed at each of the food outlets were two riot-equipped policemen in yellow fluorescent jackets standing like banana bodyguards waiting for the inevitable fights to start. An argument over a girl, not enough onion on a beef-burger or just someone looking at the wrong person at the wrong time might spark them off. - The real cause of course was nothing of the sort. - The white vans would be busy tonight!