13 December 2009

Lets Help Gordon Clear the National Debt

            Ok the country's broke , or so our beloved leader tells us. How come then that we can launch a new Space Agency or be the biggest contributor to sandbags for Bangladesh we owe £800 billion a mere drop in the ocean, (although that of course would make the seas rise and we would all drown) Mr Brown has ring fenced Health and Foreign Aid, great!. He is planning to make it illegal if he doesn't half the deficit  over 4 years see Fiscal Responsibility Bill in the Queens Speech  Although he doesn't explain what happens if they fail. Does the whole government get imprisoned? All of this can only mean he is either planning to print  " loads of money" euphemistically called 'quantitative easing' or we are in for high tax hikes on beer, fags, petrol, water, electricity, gas, sex, air and anything else he can possibly get away with.
 I thought I'd help him out and suggest a few  savings that could be made and also some good revenue earners  for Mr Darling.Mind you its a shame Gordon  didn't spot all this 'waste' in the system when he was Chancellor we might not be in the mess we are now.
      Firstly we could stop paying pensions and benefits to people who have DIED yes £37 million in pensions and benefits were paid out to people who have passed on in 2006.Secondly Sub-let the Olympics to Australia ,they already have the infrastructure, this could save us  £10 billion (plus any rent we can get off the Aussies and sponsorship deals etc)Thirdly scrap the DTI (Dept. of Trade & Industry) Saving £6 billion We haven't got any trade and Industry left anyway and I'm sure Peter Mandelson could easily find another position: Parachute tester or pilot for Richard Bransons new venture perhaps.Other savings could be made by getting rid of ALL quangos, cutting the number of MPs and paying them the national average wage

Now on the other side of the coin, tax needs to be imaginative , why not charge all people over 5'10 for example they take up more room than other people its only fair. Why stop there we could have an obese tax as well , introduce council tax on shop doorways and alleyways , this brings all the homeless into the tax bracket and perhaps we could bring in a tax on school buses. The population is increasing at an alarming rate so lets have a 90 percent tax on the third child (after all 2.5 is the average and anything over that is contributing to global warming or cooling or killing polar bears or something like that.
Finally lets have some new innovative charges to boost the public finances: People who don't vote could be charged £10, £5.00 to visit your doctor, Dog licences re-introduced, Child licences for that matter and perhaps an exam for prospective parents. All yoghurt knitters and politically correct sandal wearers could be charged £1 for every stupid statement they make - we would soon clear the National Debt

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