30 November 2009

Secret Ballot?

Is it me or has anyone else noticed that ballots at Election are no longer secret ? When did this happen I don't remember any law been passed. Was I asleep that day.
When you go to cast your vote you are crossed off the list and handed a voting slip which is numbered and relates to the name on the list. I tried once to swap with my wife and was told I couldn't .
Anyone know when this started Was it part of Big Brother Blairs' tricks to know what we are all voting for as well what we have for breakfast ! Please let know what you think

29 November 2009

Old Cowboy

Ya think you have lived to be 71 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens...

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

27 November 2009

Saturday Night in the City

(This is actually an extract from a unpublished novel I began writing many years ago)
Since last weekend, there had been a dramatic increase in police numbers, (Most constables could now count up to ten without using their fingers!). Any would be burglar would be well advised to commit their crime in the suburbs on a Saturday night, and thus reduce the already low chance of being apprehended. Although of course there is a one hundred percent chance of being caught if you are driving a motor vehicle, as the police are able, with the use of new technology to smell a car that is 2mph over the speed limit from over five miles away. The modernisation of the police, with the use of computers and electronic gismos has improved the crime statistics dramatically, in dealing with serious crime. Now, only minor misdemeanours such as street mugging, burglary, rape and murder are untouched by the new broom that sweeps through the British Police force and we can all feel a lot safer in our beds that Pc Plod is out there nicking all the evil motorists before they slaughter us in our own homes.

The square was probably busier at this time on a Sunday morning than any other time. All the
clubs, bars and restaurants emptied their clientele into the small plaza to the mercy of the fast food shops and ‘salmonella vans’ parked on every corner. You could get curry, of sorts; tepid pork batches; burnt roast potatoes, soggy chips, jacket spuds, under cooked chicken, and kebabs of every description and hue all served in cardboard trays with the same disgusting gravy and none of which you would eat if you were sober. Stationed at each of the food outlets were two riot-equipped policemen in yellow fluorescent jackets standing like banana bodyguards waiting for the inevitable fights to start. An argument over a girl, not enough onion on a beef-burger or just someone looking at the wrong person at the wrong time might spark them off. - The real cause of course was nothing of the sort. - The white vans would be busy tonight!


Last month the UN conducted a worldwide telephone survey. The only question asked was -
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Finally, in the UK people just hung up because they could not understand the Indian accent.

25 November 2009

Education, Education, Education!

So was the the Labour Party's famous war cry, so why now are thousands of school leavers are entering the workplace with an inability to read & write The newspapers run headlines'One in 3 Schools Failing' or Primary schools to give lessons in gender equality.At the other end of the scale the numbers passing A-levels rise year on year. At the present rate in 2012 more will pass than actually take the exams. What is happening to our education system? What is education for ? Do it blindly follow the national curriculum or produce well rounded individuals with good grounding in all subjects. Knowledge for knowledges sake.

Ed Balls announced last week that History ,Geography and such traditional subjects will be replaced in a 'new curriculum' with social networking and blogging. As long as we have a Prime Minister who can't spell and an Education minister with daft ideas how can Ofsted blame teachers for the fall in education standards? Of course there are bad teachers but the vast majority are hard working and conscientious. There are 'bad' schools too lacking in money resources and staff. But where are the next generation of teachers going to spring from

Under Ed Balls scheme 'teachers' could have a degree in Networking and Blogging, perhaps then we could close all the schools and they could teach kids from their desktop. Think of the savings. Think of all that extra money we could give to the banks

20 November 2009

BOAT DELIVERY WAS ON TIME...............................

  65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms,A state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation,Twin supercharged diesel
engines, etc.
Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and
Music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small Group of friends.

Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete
With faulty turnbuckle.

Watching your dreamboat nose 
dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate
Representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork......


So, how was your day.?

Have A Drink On Me

Just cause its so hard for us to get together for a coffee...have one on me.....   

              Enjoy !

19 November 2009

Two Countries

Once upon  a time there were two countries, one of these countries had a little bomb so the other one got one too. “We can’t have this.” Said the general “let’s build a bigger one;” and so they did. Their adversaries did the same. So they built bigger bombs, better bombs, flying bombs, floating bombs and finally nuclear bombs, millions and millions of dollars, pounds and roubles to satisfy schoolboy egos. (Surely it’s just the adult equivalent of fireworks) but unfortunately its one firework display that no-one can witness. Winning the nuclear arms war means never having to say sorry
            Take for instance Trident, I wish somebody would as far away as possible, each Trident submarine carries 24 missiles, each missile has between 8 and 17 warheads and each warhead  a blast equivalent to 100,000 tons of TNT. Total replacement cost of Polaris with Trident is £5000 millions. The cost of staffing a medium sized general hospital is £120 million. We could build many more hospitals, houses for the staff and still have money left over to buy the generals a few sparklers.
            Once upon a time there were two countries, no people and just two countries.

16 November 2009


Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for £ 10 each.The villagers, knowing there were many monkeys, went to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at £ 10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He then announced that he would buy monkeys at £ 20 each. This renewed the villagers efforts and they started catching monkeys again.Soon the supply diminished and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to £ 25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at £ 50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. The assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has already collected. I will sell them to you at £ 35 and when my boss returns, you can sell them to him for £ 50."
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for £ 700 billion.
........................They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

    Now you have a better understanding of how the
                 Bank BAILOUT PLAN WORKS !!!
It doesn't get much clearer than this.......

Our Beautiful City!

The building site , formerly known as Coventry is obviously destined to become a Mecca for tourists. They can enjoy the decaying medieval buildings left to rot by the council. They can smell the sweet aroma of urine and vomit on the city streets. They can sit in traffic congested one way systems behind a hundred buses belching out toxic fumes and not appearing to go anywhere. (They could of course get on one of the buses but you need to tender the exact fare and that’s difficult when you don’t know the amount. The can visit the numerous pubs, in fact they would have to if they need a toilet at night , because after the shops close there aren’t any!
There is the nice Romanesque Bus station where you can see..well nothing certainly not buses! Is this the only Bus station in the country that doesn’t have buses?. A visiting tourist can admire the graffiti and picturesque fly posters that adore the walls and not forgetting the flashing blue lights that shoot up and down the tower blocks in the city centre telling you what the weather will be like. Well worth a visit.! (Don’t the council realise the weather is available free on teletext.)
Coventry was once a proud place, the most important in the area. It grew into a smart modern city. We've had until recently, an unchanged council for many years, have they become complacent? Are they still in charge or have they turned over the asylum to the lunatics, although they might conceivably do a better job. Where’s the soul? where’s the life? and where’s the sense in paying these people to run our city. Don’t vote for them it only encourages them and inflates their egos!

13 November 2009

Save money - Abolish Parliament?

As all the major parties use' whips' why don't limit parliament to the bare minimum the cabinet and shadow cabinet In essence you only need one person to represent each party, and even then that's too many in view of the Lisbon treaty where Europe will now control what we have breakfast and where we go at night perhaps we should abolish parliament altogether, or is that what 'they' want.
Perhaps the answer is to abolish party politics and allow only independents (something by the way that is outlawed in Europe) Reduce the numbers to about 400 and we could have a useful talking shop and political base from which to govern the country, assuming of course that that is purpose of parliament which I must admit leaves me in some doubt.
I want a government that deals effectively with real issues that affect our lives and our childrens lives. World population increase is a number one problem but no one wants to deal with it, instead they fob us off with global warming and turning off light bulbs to reduce carbon. Less people on the planet would reduce carbon I think!
It is a proven fact that where women are educated the birth rate drops . Spend billions on educating the women of the third world instead of using it to try to alter the natural order of things (global warming is a natural phenomena)
Ok rant finished basically if we got rid of party interests and put Human and World interests first we might , just might survive on this planet a little longer

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