Tories to privatise entire Benefits System....

Ian Duncan Smith plans the end the culture of "worklessness" by privatising the entire welfare & benefits system. Earlier sponsors wanting to take over the system are Heinz with a reintroduction of soup kitchens and the Hertfordshire Hunt who see the unemployed as replacement for the lack of foxes in their area.

One idea put forward by Virgin is to use the unemployed to replace broadband to homes in rural areas. This would see a chain of of runners delivering 'e-mails' by hand. It appears this is twice as faster as Virgins current connection

David Cameron is backing the new scheme and has suggested many useful ways in which people on benefits could usefully help society he added "Traffic Cones Direct are extremely interested in supporting this venture as they see dressing benefit scroungers in bright orange dayglow jackets and lining then up along motorways as a cheaper alternative to cones"